Duke, who seemingly just played a tough game (or what should have been a tough game, and was certainly a bruising, physical tilt) against a bunch of racketeers and hitmen, had to pack up immediately and get up to a village of Newton and Brookline, where a preposterously well-rested Nutcracker and the Sugar Plum Fairies await, armed no doubt with a fervent crowd that will be totally incongruent with the typical tumbleweeds blowing through Count Silvio Forum. If the Blue Devils can beat BeeCee and the meaty hand of Swofford in this one, we will be forcibly impressed, to say the least. Come on, guys.

In other action amidst a surprisingly robust ACC schedule, Weak and Virginia bring a host of contrasts into their matchup in Charlottesville, Clemson fights the elements just to get to VPI, NCSU continues its alleged return to respectability by preparing to go 2-7 in the league, the Battle for America’s Dong unfolds in front of almost no one in TeeHee, and pitiful, incompetent UNC-CH rolls limply into College Park for a pre-Super Bowl matchup that promises, whatever the result, to bring a smile to our faces. But we prefer the sweaty little whiner and his home team in this one over the tear-stained whiner and his low-skill visitors, if you don’t mind keeping that quiet.

So wonder why almost every single player and coach depicted on Yahoo’s men’s basketball front page has to be shown with his mouth gaping open - - Singler looks like the Incredible Hulk and Frank Martin is apparently practicing the expression he sports when somebody just accused him of serial recruiting violations - - holster that weapon before The Man shows up and tries to bust down your Legos appreciation ring, enthusiastically give out some attaboys for this extremely wise jurist and . . . read on:

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If there’s a line anywhere in John Swofford’s universe, he and his entourage of none-too-savvy schedule generators have just crossed it. One game Tuesday, one game Wednesday, and now . . . three on Thursday? Well, at least the top teams in the conference are playing - - whoops! UNC-CH is a tenured resident of the basement. Never mind.

Duke uses this odd Thursday night showcase to seek revenge against the Yellow Jackets of the Georgia Institute of Technology, whom Duke has already played this season, despite not yet having made visual contact with either of its permapartners in the faux round robin. Oh, let’s just count our blessings that we got a rematch. Let’s also count among said blessings the fact that Duke will not be dealing with foam pillows, room service, boarding passes, bricked shots, unimaginably tone-deaf gameplanning, and other sure signs that the team is on the road. Hey, how are recent Duke-crushers North Carolina State and Georgetown doing lately, anyway? Neither one of them called off its season or anything, right? Can’t be.

In other news, Sweaty rides the wave of perspiration right into the Don Tucker TLCCCCCCCCCC Center Coliseum Collective, while Surly Seth attempts to avoid requisitioning 66.7% of North Carolina-Chapel Hill’s prospective conference win total. Yeah. Let’s avoid that. Speaking of things that we *don’t* want to avoid, Guest Dukie CDG joins us as our first visitor of the season, to show us a thing or two about how these selections are supposed to work. As in, when you get them right every once in a full blue moon.

So wonder how an esteemed publication could miss a Wile E. Coyote reference and neglect to investigate the role of Acme Backpack Jets in this fiasco, break out a full string orchestra to play a doleful dirge for this poor benighted soul, go where writers steal and men plunder and . . . read on:

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To deserve this, that is. And if you’re asking what you did, like some petulant toddler caught with his/her (there is no age floor for political correctness) hand in the cookie jar of yore, fear not. Because we don’t know what we did either, as Swofford and his maniacal, drooling schedule-makers continue to foist off the most ridiculous slating we’ve ever seen in this conference, even in his bloated and blighted era. One game on Tuesday, one on Wednesday, and three on Thursday. What?? Honestly, is there some big television event on Wednesday that we’re not thinking of? Is President Obama going to have an embarrassing (for them) chat with Republicans in the Senate this time around? Or maybe Democrats in the Senate? Well, in any case, let’s filibuster our way into some analysis that really deserves a motion to cut off debate. And why stop there?

The Hurryclowns breeze with a lazy sigh into Winston-Salem to take on Weak Florist, whose players are limply getting geared up for Valentine’s Day, while North Carolina State prepares, we assume, to get its anatomy handed to it by the suddenly deadly serious Cavaliers of the University of Virginia. You know, you shout and you shout into the wind on a tiny little site with five visitors in as many days, on average, and it’s not until a certified, actual coach enters the league that anyone realizes that your criticisms of some of the stiffs with head jobs in these parts might have been at least somewhat in the neighborhood of the target. Where have you gone, Dave Lameao? You’re next, El Sid - - but not until after the jump.

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F Street, of course - - the location of the Phone Booth, where Saturday’s pretty exciting Top Ten clash between Duke and Georgetown will be litigated. John Thompson the 49th is already complaining about this “made for TV matchup” interfering with that pressing Big East slate, as if he had no input in the scheduling? What a doosh! He’s just never happy.

We’ll be happy if Duke finds a way to shut down the Hoyoids’ trio of distance bombers, and won’t be offended if that shadowy figure we like to call Steelers Cap earns a T or two for Greg Monroe. Love ya, Greg! Meanwhile, Jon Scheyer may have packed his newly rediscovered stroke in his carry-ons, while Kyle Singler should ignore the shillname of this quite attractive facility and stop using his rollover minutes on long-distance shenanigans. And isn’t Lance Thomas due for a big game?

In the rest of gripping ACC action, the BugThugs and the Wolfpack go the extra mile to nail down a couple of wins, Maryland, College Park shocks the world by sweating it out against a real team (or at least one that looked real back in 2009), Tony Bennett prepares to sing for his supper in the Dean Dome, and the Greenbergoons invade the Conversation Center for some quiet discussions with the Hurryclowns. All this, and the Partianoles visiting the Nutcracker too? You bet - - and this is only one conference! Imagine if we add the 22-team Ivy League, which has hired Swoffie as an expansion consultant. And if you’re wondering when this intro is going to end, we’re right behind you.

So refuse to sit in the back of the gigolo bus, you prostitution crusader guy, enlist this extremely accomplished and respected man to give Brett Favre some public relations tips, put down that ED medication already to try the other white meat for just under four hours, and . . . read on:

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Who are these garnet-clad invaders of Cameron, after all? Beaters of GIT, replacers of Toney Douglas - - or just another aimless Len Hamilton squad searching for an identity in a crowded ACC? What’s the state of that frigging union? Where’s the records room? Whatever the answers might be, Duke seeks to hold serve at home after its long-overdue impressive road performance at (suddenly clueless) Clemson. The Dorcs visit the roofless Jackets and there’s the “Battle of Virginia” on Thursday, so please, let us break it all down for you, including some trailing thoughts on that Clemson contest. No? Will this [produces some Euros or Yuan] help?

Whew. Close call there, but petty cash can always be refreshed with a quick and easy loan. So try to conceive of anything that more clearly spells the impending obsolescence of Twitter more than Tim Brando using it, lighten things up a little at the nation’s airports with some official, government-issue humor, get all orally Orwellian with some truly stupid local school officials and . . . read on:

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Because when Sweet & Lowe has trouble making up his mind . . . well, there you have it. Yeah, rhyming fail. So! Which NCSU squad will show up tonight? The one that made Duke look like absolute pikers little more than a week ago? Or, as seems FAAAAR MORE LIKELY, a completely different-seeming, unstoppable machine with the singleminded purpose of ensuring that UNC-CH garners its first conference road win and handily empowers those in the media just bursting at the seams to spew forth with the meme that Rrhoid and company “are back, folks!!!!!!!!” Of course, we’re betting heavily on the latter, as the Woofies showed over the weekend just how tough they could be when not facing Duke, and not playing within the confines of the ESA. Trivia question, by the way: what do NCSU, Seton Hall, Georgetown and St. John’s have uniquely in common among Division I schools?

In other news, Clemson makes the ever-so-long Sword of Swofford epic fantasy journey up to The Land of Scott Brown, Brand-New President of the United States (or 41st vote of an 18-seat-or-actually-more-like-13-seat-minority; just not sure which talking point to believe), and Maryland, College Park welcomes the Mime of Miami, who is sadly not going to be able to speak to us about how it feels to be canned at season’s end.

You won’t believe it, but there’s more - - after the jump:

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Can't function on the road, that is. I mean, traveling is pretty hard. Just ask anyone who, say, flew into Las Vegas’ McCarran International Airport on Thursday in the teeth of some ridiculous weather. Hopefully, not too many people on those planes had recently been expected to play the equivalent of 40 minutes a game for several high-profile presentations in the course of their employment, but if they had, I bet they were a touch fatigued if they had to log another 40 on Friday.

The Superhuman S Squad and supporting cast take their poorly-reviewed road act to Clemson, where a bunch of Espenators and a frenzied Littlejohn crowd will be waiting, one imagines, quite eagerly. Think Duke’s going to pull this one out?
In other news, Frank Haith tries to explain how he achieved the feat of getting swept by the Nutcracker - - and by January 20, no less; Tony Bennett croons his way into Dino’s Den; and duhomme, to his massive credit, actually performs some analysis while Matt is just mostly angry. You know, like screaming at Chronicle reporters-type angry, but with a more legitimate target.

So just absolutely make total fools out of yourselves with an incomprehensibly stupid decision that compounds a stupid decision you made only seven months ago, show signs of gathering a blessed clue and not worrying about whether everyone likes you, mete out risible, mandatory fashion guidelines for those intervals when ESPN is unexpectedly showing your b-ball team in action and . . . read on:

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Earlier today I was trying to think how long it had been since I openly bailed on a TD edition. The Wolf Chili-like answer? Too long.

And today turned out to be just the right day for it, as duhomme took a break from tireless pro bono work himself. So, sorry everybody! Had we picked, we would have said:

Wake Forest 80, North Carolina-Chapel Hill 78.

Duke 75, North Carolina State 72.

Wouldn't surprise me at all if Duke loses, as I still haven't seen anything from this team on the road yet, but I hope I'm wrong.

Bye, Tools!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA, you absolutely blow. And sure enough, Duke is down seven early. That'll wrap this one up. We will be back Saturday. Take care out there.

Hey, you wouldn’t be in the mood for some ACC basketball, by chance - - would you? Huh? I don’t mean to press, but . . . it’s urgent. After the ACC football season resumed unexpectedly with the gridders of Wake Forest under gritty head coach Dino Goonio falling by two TDs and a pair of field goals to the Blue Devils, it’s back to basketball as everyone wonders why Gaudy got that job again. Anyway, Clemson goes Stitt-less against GIT, the Twerps go hat-less and ride bareback at home to turn back a thrust from visiting Longwood, and BeeCee and . . . Miami resume their edge-of-your-seat home-and-home (!!) at the CSI Center. Sounds like a wagonload of fun, so visit us - - after the jump.

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Well! After getting all other league business out of the way yesterday, the ACeeCee turns its attention to two of the nation's taller teams, who will take to the hardwood at Cameron Indoor Satdium this evening in a game sponsored by Duke's School of Forestry and Environmental Studies. Some of these guys are soooo tall that they can see straight into the broadcast cage and witness Tim Brando guffawing at his own jokes. The INTRO UNKIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!!! But is the bank open, Tim? Federal holiday tomorrow and all that. Speaking of which, let's honor the memory of Dr. King with a well-played game tonight that nonetheless results in a resounding Duke win. Sounds like a workable plan.

So wonder when John Calipari found the time to go visit his old stomping grounds in the Bay State, make sure that Russian advertising features a happy ending, get ready for "Arcadia Magazine" north of the border and . . . read on:

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Duke and Wake get this Sunday all to themselves for some reason, so while you're getting torqued up over a couple of pretty promising NFL playoff matchups, look into some of the 53 games that Swoffie has lined up for you in this, The Most Unpredictable Conference Ever, At Least This Season.

Not to worry - - the Two Dukies are on duty! Um, wrong guys for the job much? Look, we couldn't agree more, but at least have a huge laugh over the following dart-throwing postulations - - because we got your Dewey girls . . . here at the Coastal world (and after the jump):

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Want to see Duke play again? So do we, as it turns out, and luckily for all of us, there’s a game in the offing. Want to learn more? Well, why not; it’s only a few hours of your time to sift through all of this material, which we’ve indexed and collated for your convenience. We think there may even be some BugThug recappage in there. So stay far, far away from Jay Leno, wherever he may end up, sort of sadly miss the point behind some art with a message, make sure that your feet - - and those of your furniture - - are toasty warm and . . . read on:

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Tuesday games, right ahead! And if that sounds like what one of those dorky lookouts shouted right before the Titanic hit that berg in the film of the same name ("Titanic," not "Berg"), it's no coincidence.

We hate Tuesday games, which are just one of the many joys of the Swofford Era. Duke doesn't play once this season on The Day That Follows Monday, so we will be rolling out TD Micro Editions on the second day of each work week. Sorry, but we're completists.

The rules for Micros are simple - - the same title theme is in effect, but there are no news links, and each Dukie is strictly limited to a maximum of three sentences per matchup. With that firmly in mind, let's get right to it, shall we? Kindly follow us . . . after the jump.

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Oh, hello! Didn't see you there. It's been a busy few days here at the Dukies.com Command Center, as ESPN reacted quite naturally to our open letter . . . by invading. Even now, a brigade of shock troops led by the always-scary Scott Van Pelt is creeping up on our left flank. But actually, we just sealed the windows and think we'll be okay. Plus, since Dartmouth just fired its coach (sort of a weird year for the Ivy, no?), an incident demanding full 24-hour coverage, we're already sensing an imminent end to the siege.

Duke returns to the cozy confines of . . . OMG, wait!! This is a ROAD GAME!! Well, listen, let's not rush to judgment here, as these things can be useful. Besides, attempting to tame that smarmy swarm of Atlanta-based hoods polluting the ACC is always worthwhile. Let's lace 'em up already.

So employ all measures to ensure that this man stays riiight where he is, get this particular organ to go, wonder how the authorities will distinguish between these guys and the regular employees, and . . . read on:

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ESPN, Inc.
Viewer Response
ESPN Plaza
Bristol, CT 06010

Dear Sirs:

I am a 1992 graduate of Duke University ("Duke"), located in Durham, North Carolina. I invest a substantial portion of my leisure time following Duke's men's basketball program, to the extent that I have created and (since 1999) operated a site on the World Wide Web devoted to coverage of the team. Frequently, I enjoy following Duke via telecasts on the ESPN family of networks.

On January 6, 2010, you purported to broadcast one such game, held between Duke and Iowa State University at the United Center in Chicago. The game was, at least in part, carried on ESPN2. Unfortunately, during halftime of the contest, you made a curious bradcasting choice that I found highly dissatsifying, even outrageous.

As you are aware, the University of Kansas men's basketball team was hosting Cornell University on its home court in Lawrence, Kansas while the Duke-Iowa State game was in progress. For reasons that were not entirely apparent, Kansas found itself in a spirited battle with Cornell. The Big Red were tied with and even led the Jayhawks as the end of regulation approached.

Laudably, you chose to forego the typical in-studio halftime analysis to treat your ESPN2 viewers to "bonus coverage" of the Cornell-Kansas game. Watching at home, I found your devotion to keeping your viewers informed of other potentially interesting Division I men's college basketball action to be quite admirable. Little did I know what was about to occur.

Incredibly, you chose to carry the "bonus coverage" of the Cornell-Kansas game until that contest concluded. This necessarily included uninterrupted shots of several gripping team huddles during a series of late-game timeouts, interspersed with shots of the understandably concerned fans in Lawrence. (In fairness to them, they doubtless had no idea that ESPN was unexpectedly covering their every facial expression.) Strangely, you also chose, at intervals, to substitute the commentary of your in-studio commentators, Jimmy Dykes and Steve Lavin, for the audio feed from Lawrence. Dykes and Lavin were also graciously allowed to add more than a few closing comments after time had expired in Lawrence, and Kansas had nailed down its victory. Following all of this, you took the time to show us one promo for your women's basketball coverage, followed by two commercials. You then finally and abruptly rejoined the Duke-Iowa State game, with the second half, as the phrase goes, already in progress, and in fact well underway. In all, ESPN2's viewers were unable to watch 5:57 of timed action of the Blue Devils-Cyclones game.

At no time during the "bonus coverage" did you advise, for example via an on-screen graphic, that viewers could tune to full and continuing Duke-Iowa State coverage on ESPN 360.com. Even if you had, this would not have helped those of us who occasionally find it more convenient to watch televised sporting events after their conclusion, via the use of in-home digital video recording and playback technology. This practice has, as you may be aware, become quite common.

In the future, if you feel tempted to bring us "bonus coverage" that becomes primary, and supersedes portions of the actual, non-"bonus" coverage that you have advertised to viewers that you will be broadcasting, may I be so bold as to offer the following suggestions?

(1) Show the "bonus coverage" in such a way that it does not interfere with the primary event that you are supposed to be televising. For example, you could show the extra coverage on ESPN News, and advise viewers watching ESPN2 to tune to ESPN News instead, if they are interested in, e.g., seeing the nation's #1 team struggle to put away a scrappy, visiting Ivy League squad. Interestingly, upon information and belief, you did show the Cornell-Kansas game on ESPN News on January 6. It is not immediately clear why you also felt the need to show the "bonus coverage" on ESPN2 at the same time, in lieu of the feed of the Duke-Iowa State game.

(2) With approximately 6:23 remaining in the Duke-Iowa State game - - which, by that time, ESPN2 had thankfully rejoined and refrained from interrupting any further - - you took advantage of a break in game action for free throw administration to show live, simultaneous splitscreen images of two Duke players, sophomore Miles Plumlee and freshman Mason Plumlee. The Plumlees are brothers. One assumes that your production team engineered this achievement through the use of two cameras.

This innovative tactic compels the realization that similar technology could be used during such "bonus coverage" as you deem necessary. For example, one part of your broadcast image could display the primary game that you are contractually obligated to be televising, in this case Duke-Iowa State. The other part of the splitscreen image could, at the same time, display contemporaneous events occurring elsewhere. Presumably, if ESPN is capable of showing live depictions of two brothers in different areas of the same facility and at the same time via this device, you may also possess the ability to utilize it for broader purposes. It also occurs to me that I have seen the same sort of technological gambit used on other networks during sporting events, if never on an ESPN affiliate that I can recall.

I hope you will find these suggestions helpful. It is troublesome enough that, for years, ESPN has insisted on scheduling college basketball games, which nearly always take in excess of two hours to play, to be shown exactly two hours apart - - instead of, for example, adding a thirty-minute "buffer zone" between telecasts and preventing any overlap in game action. (In an unrelated story, it appears that fans of men's basketball at Duke and the Georgia Institute of Technology will be victimized this coming Saturday by this exact, now-legendary practice on ESPN's part.) However, your broadcast choices on January 6 have broken entirely new ground.

In conclusion, please note my awareness that I am very lucky to be a fan of a team that is televised as often as Duke. In no way do I wish to seem "spoiled." However, I believe I am within my rights to expect you to broadcast specific game action when you contract to do so, or provide reasonable alternatives in the event of a baffling decision such as this one. I am confident that most Iowa State fans, who were forced to watch a rival program in their conference instead of enjoying the early second half of a game involving their own team, would agree.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Matt
Dukies.com
Los Angeles, California

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And we're back! Out of the league, that is. Who needs that whole ACC gig, anyway? Flush with a 1-0 record after taking apart Clemson on Sunday night, it's time to get back to Neeba arenas, and this time, Madison Square Cameron takes a back seat to a building Duke visits a little less frequently (but then, that's not too surprising), the United Center in Chicago, Illinois.

We kid, we kid. While this game is subject to the usual rants about Duke's OOC games being played in a verrrrry exclusive group of venues, it will be terrific for Jon Scheyer, Collins, and Krzyzewski to make a visit back home and take in the sights and sounds of the Windy City. Wish we could be there, but then, this game's on television, unless two schools formerly coached by Skip Prosser decide to honor his memory by playing for four hours "just before" our tip.

I think I sense Jay Bilas in the house, which reminds me that it's time for me not to enter this ridiculous contest that ESPN is running featuring a Night With Jay, or whatever it is. Come to think of it, I should enter. It would be like The Beer Summit, only without Skip Gates and Joe Biden. And the president.

With that, we'd better get this one started already, so break out the tears and the crocodiles - - and check out the money quote from Don’t Miss Deon at the top of the third page, put together a compelling thesis on sexism, Santa Claus, and silly citizens of Raleigh, indulge in some online insanity in the Memphis burbs and . . . read on:

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It's A-C-Ceeeeeeeeeeeee time!!!! Ready? Well, so are the Two Dukies, all evidence to the contrary, so we'll need to get this thing nailed down fast. The welders have been reinforcing the steel broadcast cage in the Cameron rafters in anticipation of yet another offseason displacement shift on the part of Faux's dough(t)y play-by-play man for this one, most of the students should be back in Cameron, and as always, Accidental Oliver has a year's worth of coaching moves saved up just for this special matchup. By the way, as our advance team combs over the *other* matchups out there, is anyone else still in this conference? Oh, well.

And now, if you'll excuse us, there's an armed party of volunteers at the door. Or, wait, good lord! That's Volunteers, capital-V variety, which explains the small unit tactics and heavy weaponry. Detecting a lack of institutional control! Raise shields, Sulu! Well, maybe Bruce Pearl will quickly go shirtless at a women's game or pull some similarly weird stunt and distract everyone from all of this vexing silliness about his charges (heh) fracturing a few local ordinances. Oh. We digress.

The Tiggers certainly promise to be a sizeable upgrade over Duke's last opponent, and this could be a barnburner of some sort. So wonder at the wizardry of a real pair of bulletheads, ask Coach Romeo what these particular beer cans told him, get Consultant Herb and the ever-huggable KO together to let the good times roll and . . . read on:

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Look, it's New Year's Eve, so please be sensible out there. Do not pilot a motor vehicle if you've been drinking anything harder than Sunny D. (Including the "purple stuff!") Do not accept a ride from former UIUC shooting guards. And if you're playing William and Mary, ask those two crazy newlyweds to take it easy on you, and don't sweat the small stuff.

With that advice firmly in mind, Duke hits the wood for the second time in as many days, plus one, to square off against a society of amiable people from the nation's first capital. And why not? They're friendly, they're real students like Duke's kids, and they're winless.

Looking for some use of the bench in this one? So are we, and we don't mean as a comfortable seat for the Plumlees, Dawkins, and Kelly, either. But then, you may have heard us mention this once or twice before. Anyway, let's ring out the old year in style, shall we? The Blue Devils, that is . . . there's little that can be done about this place.

So look into whether or not we can ban Lake Superior State from issuing press releases, as in, like, Obammediately, try to think of one good reason not to give this guy a lift, wonder who put the pork in charge of transportation-related triage in the United Kingdom (or was that the media referring disrepectfully to police officers?) and . . . read on:

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You know, if Duke isn't playing at Madison Square Cameron - - in favor of a tilt at the actual Durham-based facillity instead - - they must be facing a team called the 49ers. And sure enough, the Blue Devils do just that as Long Beach State comes to town. Yea verily, men's basketball activity resumes with a flurry of three games in six days. Hm. Let's see how this turns out, shall we? Meanwhile, Matt delves into some sordid LBSU history in a windy diatribe, and regulations prevent you from getting up for the last hour of reading it.

So escape doin' time, then start to rhyme, make sure you don't take one of these from a guy who actually still needs it this season, beef up all security measures to guard against this guy and . . . read on:

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I've seen your jump shot
Your name in lights above it
This is your big debut
Duke's got one less [to] face you
And when you rain down those three-bombs
Scored in Jon's umpteenth minute

I like your foul shot
It's hard to earn Duke letters
When there's too much "bench and you"
It sure looked good on . . . who?
So note that Miles is a one-man
Roy Williams - - still an a**hole
Zag.

Zaaaaaaaag
Rrhoy will come back for you
Zaaaaaaaag
Your belongings packed for you
Then the transfer falls
You see it all clearly
It's your favorite foreign player

Zag.

Let's lace 'em up at snowy Madison Square Cameron, shall we? Sure. So celebrate the only guy in college basketball announcing with the sac to tell it like it is, screech "I will turn your face to alabaster!!!" in monkey-ese, get the action photos from Marcus Williams and A.J. Price's recent trip to Israel and . . . read on:

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Duke's back, and it's under very sad circumstances. But there's plenty of hilarity afoot in Chapel Hill, at least, where attendees at the perpetually-echoing Dump Dome must pass a purity test in order to remain within the confines. duhomme runs that down as only he can, and that means plenty of laughs. Roy: the Christmas gift that keeps on giving. You can see why all these youngsters want to play for that fake sack of crap. Oh no, wait - - you can't.

Anyway, the Blue Devils feel the need to complete their litigation against 30% of the Big South with this one, which certainly won't feature 40 minutes out of Kyle Singler - - if only because he has an ankle sprain. Maybe Jon Scheyer can somehow play 55 ticks in regulation to compensate. Hey, there's no downside to this! These are finely conditioned athletes! Anyway, if you're sensing, as is this nonreporter, a poor result on Saturday back at (surprise!) Madison Square Cameron, then enjoy this one to the last drop.

So launch a delicate inquiry to find out if Swiss prosecutors have ever heard of pattern evidence in criminal cases, hit the town to relieve your pressure with Pat Patriot, call in the Spanish police to see if it ain't got that swing and . . . read on:

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Lacey Marie Dawkins, Andre Dawkins' sister, passed away last Saturday as the result of injuries she sustained in a traffic accident in West Virginia. She was 21. Ms. Dawkins spent her time in both Charleston, West Virginia, where she was born and will be laid to rest, and Columbus, Ohio.

Lacey's obituary from the Charleston Daily Mail, as well as information about services and condolences, can be found here.

Matt and duhomme extend their sincerest condolences to Andre and Lacey's family at this difficult time.

One hopes that the Blue Devils' men's team will take some step to commemorate this tragedy, such as a uniform patch. We do not recall offhand if such gestures are allowed by NCAA rules.

We have not been and will not be posting for a few days. While life can and does go on, some things are more important than basketball. We can worry about Gardner-Webb at the appropriate time.

"Strange things about the sun--how often after it has set, and we are able to see it no more, it leaves behind a beauty we can never see while we have it with us. About the sun we know this truth, that if it seems to be setting where we are, it is because it is rising somewhere else--rising, and still shinning with its same radiance and warmth. We know, too, that in reality it never sets at all; for it is we ourselves who are temporarily turned away from it. Moreover, we are certain that we shall see it again."

RIP.

So we're a little down after the Wisconsin loss, not because the Badgers didn't deserve it, or because Bo Ryan runs an odious program - - not at all. The team just seemed off. Maybe not playing members of the squad 40 minutes a night is the answer. Does anyone else in the country really do this? Even Boeheim seems to have reformed. Then there were a few other alarming signs of - - how you say - - repeating past mistakes.

Duke returns home to Cameron and faces St. John's for what we thought was the last time, but actually isn't. Will the Scarlet Stormtroopers bookend Duke's home OOC win streak? Will we all mute the sound to get rid of Bilas? Let's find out what we think. (Huh?) So strike the first blow in a game of chicken, give other drivers the finger, run afoul of the scales of justice at the airport and . . . read on:

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Ahhhhh, it's the ACC-Big Ten Challenge, which can be a fun event if you like both the ACC and the Big Ten. It's the only one you'll want.

And if you're like the author of this intro (first off, our condolences, and quit while you're not really ahead), then maybe you like the ACC a little bit more, because it has your favorite team in it, not because you're some universalist that roots for (e.g.) Paul Hewitt's thugs over other, out-of-conference schools. Here at this vast empire of a website with fifteen readers and dropping fast, we respect that approach, but don't share it. ACC pride? Uh, sure. Okay.

Most of you will be aware that the Big Ten + Pennsylvania State has never "won" this annual event by winning more of a given season's eleven games than the ACC, but this season has to be the Big Televen's Big Chance. The ACC is down, the midwesterners are up, and heading into tonight's quintupleheader, it's all even, 3-3. Don't let this get around, but with five games left, there probably won't be a tie.

How does Duke fit into all this? Well, fresh off the welcome destruction of one of college basketball's most loathsome programs and coaches, which we'll recap as soon as we can, the Blue Devils head to Madison to take on Bucky Badger and his friend from the animal kingdom, Bo Ryan.

Wondering how Duke will fare in its next-to-last true OOC road game of the season? Interested in seeing what species Bo and Bucky can imitate when they get going in tandem? Eager to see what kind of a reception that quite possibly the nicest, classiest group of kids in Division I will draw at a hostile arena seating seventeen large?

Enough talk! Let's find out - - with, um, more talk. So take a trip to see Bruce Weber at your local aquarium, nod your head up and down and agree to these terms immediately, lament your little site's technical difficulties today and . . . read on:

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Some time ago, Duke reminded Consultant Herb what it's like to play against competition that is not in the Pac-10. East Coast Media Bias! East Coast Media Bias! Anyway, the Sun Devils of Coach Derek Glasser actually looked pretty reasonable in this one, so maybe they'll hang with Washington and/or Berkeley.

More pertinently for us, Duke's defense in this one was extremely good, and held down the fort until the offense arrived, fashionably late, at around the 14-minute mark of the second half. Jon Scheyer, Nolan Smith, and Kyle Singler conducted a naggingly familiar endurance experiment, Ryan Kelly was shackled to the pine like so many Duke freshmen before him, we like Andre Dawkins, the game was ugly, and there was plenty of Boateng.

This recap thing we started this season is running about as smoothly as the Arkansas criminal justice system under Mike Huckabee, so let's find out what our resident scholars had to say about this tilt.

Like, now. This way, please? Thanks - - it's actually after the jump.

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Hey - - want to play another game in the Garden? OH SURE WHY NOT. It's available, as part of Duke's near-perpetual year-to-year tenancy, and why, look at this - - it looks like the opposition already hit the Doorbusters deals at Best Buy. Smooth gaming rig there, Kemba! (DISCLAIMER: Kemba Walker is that rare U-Conn point guard who did *not* possess electronics not his own.)

Yeah, it's Calgoon again, so get ready for multiple paeans from Vitale and bloodless technocrat Dan Shulman to one of the most disgusting reprobates in basketball. And there might even be some basketball to be played too!

You know, not to give anything away, but it would be really nice for Duke to get a win in this one. Don't you agree?

So fend off all Mandarin-speaking vampires, suggest that all the family members you can't stand head out to see this obvious bomb, give thanks to all your readers who read your kooky website, not to mention all of the men and women serving in the armed forces abroad, and . . . read on:

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