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FAQ's

DUKIES.COM FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Updated January 1, 2011

 

What is Dukies.com? 

Dukies.com is an unofficial Duke basketball fan site maintained by (a) zealous fan(s) of Duke basketball that has no affiliation or association with Duke University, British Petroleum, or the Republican Party.

Huh?

We like to make silly jokes here.  That’s how we roll.  The previous answer is a sad example of the same in action. 

As you wish.  Now, what the heck is “Two Dukies Pick the ACC”? 

Many years ago, two guys named Matt and Rob decided to start picking the results of ACC games in advance.  Worse, instead of keeping this stuff to themselves, they posted it on the Internet.  More information can be found in the “About Us” section of the site, located way, way, way down at the bottom of the page.  Anyhoo, these jokers, both graduates of Duke University, started calling themselves the Two Dukies and projecting the results of all of the ACC games.  They glacially moved from a two-bit operation to what’s commonly known as a three-bit operation, and in 1999, Dukies.com was born.  A gent named duhomme took over for Rob in the fall of 2007 and participated until December of 2010.   Current bit count of the operation is about 3.7.  Whoops, 3.6.  This gauge jumps around all the time.  

“Two Dukies”?  I mean, are you serious?

Never.  Remember our chat above about jokes?  But yes, that’s the name of this site’s main feature.  The original inspiration was two guys named Dave who once picked all of the SEC football games each week, and called themselves “Two Daves Pick the SEC.”  No one here knows what became of the Two Daves, who no longer issue their picks, but they are assuredly multimillionaires who have no idea what they inspired.

Um - - what did they inspire, exactly?

A website that about ten people read each day that contains features that, believe it or not, take hours upon days to produce.  All for free.  The Two Daves would be proud, if they cared or spared a thought for us while sipping margaritas poolside in some tropical paradise. 

So, how does “Two Dukies Pick the ACC” work?

Glad you asked!  Thanks!   

The witness is directed to answer the question.

Oh.  Right.  Each Two Dukies edition projects the final score of every upcoming game between ACC teams, with a few caveats.  First and foremost, we’re Duke fans, and this is a Duke site, so from the beginning of the season until the first intraconference ACC games, we only pick Duke’s games.  Once the ACC begins intraconference play, all ACC games, including those played in December, are projected.  In addition, after the first full weekend of intraconference ACC games in January is completed, we project all games played by ACC teams, whether against other ACC teams or not, including the postseason.  The astute FAQ analyst will note that this means that every Duke game, for the entire season, is projected, and will also note that we go as deep into the NCAA Tournament and the NIT (as well as the other relatively newly minted postseason tourneys, of varying degrees of interest and integrity) as necessary, until the last ACC team standing completes its season, whether or not Duke is still playing.  Two Dukies articles are posted before the first game being discussed therein tips off, subject to technical difficulties and the laws of the Federated States of Micronesia.  Typically, one Two Dukies piece is posted on Friday night/Saturday morning, covering the weekend action, and one is posted on Monday night/Tuesday morning, covering the midweek games.  Matt always discusses, in full, the Duke game.  

Isn’t that a lot of work?

Heh.  No no no no noooooooooooooo.  This stuff just writes itself. 

Isn’t it all ultimately meaningless? 

Who are you, Albert Camus?  We enjoy it.  We have fun. 

Say no more.  Now, since I, the anonymous FAQ asker, operate independently of the space-time continuum, I have just read, you may assume, over 40 of your past articles.  I note that you frequently incorporate pop culture and political references.  What gives?

It is our experience that sports-related material is more enjoyable to read and to write if other elements of our world are incorporated into the text.  Hence, you might indeed encounter political references in our material, or jokes or commentary about pop culture.        
 
Noted.  In fact, this Matt guy, who seems to be one of the main authors of what you call your “material,” seems to be quite the raging lefty on the political spectrum.

Indeed - - certainly in the sense of being a fully committed social liberal.  Economics provides a more complicated picture.     

Well, I’m a rightwing nut.  Excuse me - - that is, I’m a political conservative.  Won’t I be offended by your site?   
 
Will you?  Only you can say for sure.  Maybe you’ll read this stuff and gain a new perspective, decide we’re all humans, “we share the same biology,” et cetera.  Maybe you’ll just ignore the occasional political jab.  Maybe you’ll decide to leave and never come back.  We hope you stay, but won’t stalk you about it.  Thanks to Sting for the quote.    

Then there’s the pop culture.  It appears that one year, this Matt recapped episodes of the Fox television show “24” instead of writing about Florida State games.  “Pick the ACC” not so much, eh?    

It wasn’t just Florida State games.  You try picking a late season battle between Georgia Tech and Virginia and getting excited about the basketball analysis.  However, whatever thematic gambit is employed in the Two Dukies material, the projected result of the game is always there.
 
So, basically, you copied that dude who writes for ESPN.com, by weaving a little TV and movie-speak into your stuff.

We’ve been here longer than he’s been at ESPN.com.  And we never heard of him before we started doing what we do.  The idea is hardly a unique one.  We think, however, that we’re funnier than he is.  But it doesn’t matter what we think.  You decide.  Like Fox News.

What’s up with the links to news articles that appear on the front page of each Two Dukies edition? 

That’s something that Matt started doing a while ago - - if you go through the archived articles on the site, you’ll find out when (we don’t recall).  Each Two Dukies edition is introduced by a piece on the main page of the site, which always concludes with three references to news items, often from the world of entertainment, with accompanying external links to the stories, usually on Yahoo’s news page.  The references are always incorporated as commands or exhortations to do something that is further explained if the reader clicks on the external link, and they always conclude with “and . . . read on:”.  Like many things Matt does, no one, including him, knows why.       

You have “Guest Dukies.”  Who are they?  

Yes.  They are readers who wish to contribute to the Two Dukies material. 

Who are the Tools?

The Tools are the Tar Heels of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.  As Duke’s main rival, the Tools are the frequent target of jabs from Dukies.com.  You will almost never see the Tools, who have other nicknames such as the Twinks, the Dirty Footmen, and the Soiled Pedestrians, referred to by their right name on this website, because it’s just more fun that way.   

Who are the Twerps?

The Twerps are the Terrapins of the University of Maryland, College Park.  They are also known as Sweaty’s Squadron, the Beads, the Droplets, Scaryland, Garyland, et cetera.  We dislike the Tools with the kind of sneaking admiration one reserves for hated sports rivals, but we really, really detest the Twerps.        

Why?

Read a few Two Dukies pieces, and you’ll soon find out.  Their fanbase doesn’t help, nor does their less-than-pleasant men’s basketball head coach. 

Could you give me a quick rundown of some other nicknames in common use around here?  I’m getting sort of dizzy. 

Boston College Eagles: Sugar Plum Fairies, Dew Drop Fairies, Beagles
Clemson Tigers: Tiggers, Poohs
Florida State Seminoles: Semi-noles, Partianoles, Quasinoles, Sortanoles, Nulls, Noids
Georgia Institute of Technology Yellow Jackets: BugThugs, Jerkets, Ambercoats, Institutional Insects
Miami (Florida) Hurricanes: HurryClowns
North Carolina State Wolfpack: None -- generally, we like NCSU, the Wolfpack, and their fans, and refer to them by their correct names
Virginia Cavaliers: Whos, Hos, Jeffersons, Cravs
Virginia Tech Hokies: Chokies, Turkeys, Pollys (note, however, that in observance of the tragedy at Virginia Tech in April of 2007, we will be toning down jabs at Virginia Tech for some time)
Wake Forest Demon Deacons: Dorcs, Crazed Churchmen

There are, of course, other nicknames for people, entities and institutions in regular use around here.  Following this season, Matt plans to write a “Two Dukies Glossary” or “Dukies.com Glossary” that will be accessible on the site.   

Mkay.  Uh, the “Sugar Plum Fairies”? 

Take a look at an image of the former men’s head basketball coach at Boston College.  Preferably one with motion.  Then check out the tale of “The Nutcracker,” a ballet by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. 

That’s mean!

Oh, it’s all in good fun.  We’re nice people.   

What’s with not using the correct names of many stadiums, and calling them something else? 

Better yet, what’s with teams and municipalities allowing corporations to slap their goofy names on stadiums in pursuit of the almighty buck/Euro?  We use corporate shillnames to refer to skyscrapers.  Not sports stadiums.  See the Anti-Shillname Law, linked off the main page, for more - - once Matt gets around to writing it.     

Fair enough.  Similarly, why is North Carolina always called “UNC-CH” or “North Carolina-Chapel Hill,” and so on? 

Because those appellations are close approximations of the actual name of the school.  “North Carolina” is the name of one of the 50 states that the United States of America comprises.  “Carolina” is a woman’s name.  Plus, doing this annoys the stuffing out of many Tool fans, who try mightily to avoid the apparently nettlesome fact that their beloved team represents a state university that happens to carry a geographical designation.  We guess it embarrasses them.  So we are happy to remind them of that.  Don’t worry, though; Maryland, College Park and Miami (Florida) get the same treatment, as does the University of California, Berkeley, which, when mentioned around here, goes by its commonly known name of “Berkeley,” not the ridiculously overinclusive sports-only name that someone made up for it long ago.  Try walking around San Francisco and asking someone to direct you to “California” or “Cal” and see what happens to you.  Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University was called Virginia Polytechnic on this site until this basketball season, but that has been indefinitely relaxed, and the school is now referred to as Virginia Tech.  The Georgia Institute of Technology, the basketball program of which we can sort of do without at this point, is known by its full name on this site.  Hey, if Tool fans didn’t make a federal case out of it . . . but, of course, they do.      

Speaking of which, assume that I am a Tar Heel fan.  Hey, I got that name through!  You didn’t edit that! 

Did you have a question, Tool partisan? 

Right.  So, I’m a Tool fan.  Won’t I hate your site?  Why would I read it? 

Personally, we enjoy reading and hearing stuff about ACC basketball no matter who writes it, and no matter what his or her bias is, as long as the writer or commentator discloses that bias and doesn’t try to pretend at objectivity.  So maybe you’ll find the stuff on this site funny or interesting.  If not, it’s all good.

I have now shifted from an antagonistic stance to one of sheer detached bemusement. 

Sounds good.

What if I want to contribute to your site?

Click on the “Contact Us” link on the homepage and let Matt know.  You aren’t going to get paid, but you might enjoy yourself. 

Can I comment on individual articles?

Absolutely.  In fact, please do.  You must first become a registered user, and then you may make comments as often as you like.  Eventually, you might even become “whitelisted,” meaning that your comments will not be subject to advance moderation before being posted.  But you must behave.

Is there more to Dukies.com than just this Two Dukies business? 

Yes.  Hang around and see.  And we’re always looking for contributors to add more.  For example, if you would like to write about Duke women’s basketball on a regular basis for this site, please get in touch.

You kind of ignore Duke football. 

Well . . . are we the only ones?  We kid.  Matt, who is the site’s owner, is not a college football fan in the first instance.  Having attended Duke probably didn’t help that.  Also, this is a basketball site.  However, if Duke football starts getting interesting, you’ll hear about it.  For the moment, you’re much more likely to hear about the NFL. 

I don’t see any advertising. 

Since 1999, when Dukies.com came into being, we have accepted no advertising.  However, having redesigned the site for the 2007-2008 season, and with new website software in place, we’re rethinking that policy.

Do you accept donations?  

No, and we don’t foresee that changing.  This site is a quintessential “labor of love.”  Asking you to pay for it, or to give a nickel of your hard-earned cash to “support” it, seems offensive and ridiculous to us.  If you have extra income, we’d vastly prefer that you donate to a charitable organization and help people or animals in need instead.             

Who is the Devil in the Dark?

We don’t know.  And since he appears to rank somewhere on the supernatural power scale above Santa Claus and Matt Doherty, if well below Gandalf the Grey and Harry Potter, we’re not eager to find out.

The names of the Two Dukies pieces are odd.

In 2005-2006, Matt began using a seasonal theme to name the Two Dukies articles.  Typically, since there are 40 or so Two Dukies editions each season, the theme involves a large group of connected works of pop culture.  Each Two Dukies edition mimics the title of one of these works, and usually attempts to incorporate a pun, typically (though not always) playing off of the name of Duke’s opponent for the edition in question.  For 2005-2006, the Two Dukies pieces were named after episodes of “Star Trek,” a 1966-1969 television show on NBC.  For 2006-2007, the articles were named after songs by the British progressive rock/pop rock group Genesis.  For 2007-2008, the articles were named after songs by British progressive rock group Yes. For 2008-2009, the articles were named after songs from British rock group Led Zeppelin. For 2009-2010, articles were named (with, if Matt does say so himself, with great success) after songs by American jazz-rock fusion band Steely Dan. For 2010-2011, a theme is currently in place, but it will not be formally revealed until the Two Dukies’ season ends.  However, it’s not too hard to figure out.  

So I hear that you're on hiatus, of indeterminate length.

Yes! Sadly, Matt needs a break. We're not sure when we're coming back, although if we had to guess, we will come back. For now, after picking ACC games continuously since 1998, we're enjoying the break. Thanks for your patience. 

I have further questions not addressed by this FAQ article. 

Great!  Please e-mail us and pose them. 

Thanks.

You’re welcome.  Thank you for visiting.   

 

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