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TD: Ordinal Numbers (Plus Gameblog)

Date: 3/31/2013

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt (proud)


Well! Happy Easter for those who celebrate it! Didn't see you there. Elite Eight? Yeah, huh? Well, that's exciting. Genuinely frigging exciting!!!!! Oh, and it's these guys. We have faced them before, lo those long four months ago, and while they have gotten better, we are sort of getting back to where we were. And things worked out fine before, so you never know. Sure, we're (very) glad to be here, and it's really cool to be in the conversation again at this time of year (this conversation, not some other conversations of which we've been the subject at this time in recent campaigns), but . . . well, let's win the game as well. You know? My two cents. As we'll learn inside after detouring for a while to laugh at various easy targets, this is possible. Winning.

So, if there are no objections, let's do this! Of course we need to conclude this properly, so raise a glass to you not having a mustache even if you clearly do, donít even think about that stat about top seeds (hey, we told you not to think about it!!!), inbound that ball like you want to bounce it, mildly of course, off of Kenny Smith and . . . read on:

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TD: A Spartan Existence (Plus Gameblog)

Date: 3/29/2013

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt (ascetic)


So, got every single one of the "Faux Colbert quizzes the kids about AT&T-related concepts" spots memorized? Have you noticed that the "friends at the bar" of Mrs. Shorthair in the Bud Light ad are (1) giving "goon" looks and (2) mouthing "weirdo" about Mr. This Isn't A Mustache's pals? Friends don't get along so great future not so much, maybe? And how about this making absolutely no sense because the stage direction indicates that he's the one who can see them, while she has her back turned to them? Why would they be giving "get me out of here" faces and dealing out wordless epithets TO A GUY THEY DON'T KNOW - - about *his* friends? And why couldn't Bud Light make them get along famously, too?

This is what happens when you watch about 15 minutes of coverage on CBS and Partneroids, who were paid millions of gazillions of advertising greenbacks by exactly four companies. So let's talk basketball instead, which is always fun. Hey! Duke's back in the Sweet Sixteen! This is nice, and let me add that I really, really dig this "late placement in the broadcast order" stuff. It sort of takes the edge off, I think. Here's Michigan State. And Duke. Win the game, Duke!!!!! Enjoy more trenchant discussion just like that, but first, we have a process, so pull for Iowa (go Hawks!) in the NIT against the Twerps, rage, rage against the declaring of the Brown, put your name in contention for the UCLA job to get more money from your current employer and . . . read on:


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TD: Jaywalking (Plus Gameblog)

Date: 3/24/2013

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt (tweet)


Well, these are waters that have not been charted by Duke since two seasons back, so let's explore them, shall we? Our opponent is a well-coached, sound, hot-shooting group that has many weaknesses that donít show up on paper, but they're there, for the taking, even. Maybe we can exploit them? Let's finish up the second round of the tournament (yup, I don't buy into this renaming of the rounds nonsense, which honestly strikes me as a behavioral tic better suiting a cult) in style, and move on. Gasp! Yes! Thatís what will happen if we can beat Creighton!

So put some charges on Doug Gottlieb's credit card, pretend that Jay Bias n'existe pas outside of his law firm, have absolutely no reason to go into a rage and quit your blogging job (easy, LoboDude: I've been there, but NOT TODAY) and . . . read on:

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TD: The Danes of Our Existence (Plus Gameblog)

Date: 3/22/2013

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt (dainty)


Hey - - it's NCAA Tournament time! Yes, Duke managed to earn an at-large berth out of the ACC, which turned out to be a rare honor bestowed on only two other programs, so naturally, the Blue Devils want to make it count. But sooth! Duke can improve on last year's tourney performance just by winning this matchup, which Can't Broadcast Sports and Partners helpfully placed as the first game on Friday's slate, a touch early for most of us. Didn't they want to put us on in prime time, hoping for another chokejob? Guess not, but color man Len Smellmore (unfortunately not lost in the influx of NBA goons doing the games since the Watch Every Game Arrangement debuted) will be coaching Albany all the way home, so there's that.

What do you think? Does Duke have a Round of 32 destiny in store this season? There's only one way to find out, so Spero your Dedes, try to make emptier threats than Jim Delaney, organize an academic retreat (get it?) for the NCCH AfAm department and . . . read on:


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MDCP v. Duke GameBlog (Get T.F. Out!)

Date: 3/15/2013

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt (waving)


ACC Friday! Nice. And here are the guys who are leaving, someday, so let's hand them a train ticket and move on. After all, a good guest knows when s/he/it has overstayed his/her/its welcome, but when has this purported "program" ever been a good guest? Meanwhile, any comments you good folk have would be welcome.

Shall we?

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Duke @ NCCH GameBlog (Scandal)

Date: 3/9/2013

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt (howdy)


Game time against UNC-CHeat. You'll notice that this website has had a theme this season, all evidence to the contrary: reading it has been like digesting the materials for a three-credit course at the University of No Class.

Shall we?

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VPI @ Duke GameBlog (Senior Night)

Date: 3/5/2013

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt (sup)


Hard to believe it's senior night already for Ryan Kelly, but it does seem like Mason Plumlee has been around for four years, and Seth Curry for three. It's VPI, for some reason, who arrive to attempt to disrupt the festivities in place of the Tools in this odd-numbered year. This is why I prefer even-numbered years in my guise as a Duke basketball fan, but anyway.

GameBlog below the fold for anyone able to watch live.


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Miami @ Duke Gameblog: Kelly to Start

Date: 3/2/2013

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt (hey)

Ryan Kelly will not just play, but start tonight in Duke's penultimate home game of the season, according to media reports. Could be just what the doctor ordered after a miserable road performance against Virginia.

Click through to offer your comments; this can be a game thread for anyone interested.

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Rinse, Lather, Repeat

Date: 1/23/2013

Duke Basketball  
Posted By: Matt


Yawn. Another year, another recurrence of the same pattern. Is anyone else as tired of this as I am? If so, please share your comments and (if you really want to) check out mine, after the jump:

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Amile Jefferson Signs with Duke (!!!!!)

Date: 5/15/2012

Duke Basketball  
Posted By: Matt (gobsmacked)

ZOMG we signed a 6-8 or 6-9 forward!!! And he's not an outside-in "Dunleavy type" either, but is most commonly described as a "baseline slasher" and "fierce rebounder." Sounds like the kind of guy Duke actually needs. And, in the past few seasons at least, hardly ever gets.

Thank goodness. I was already getting REALLY tired of this offseason for Duke (with the exception of Mason staying, a decision that never should have been in doubt - - and don't mistake that comment for me thinking that I'm all that bunned about Rivers jumping, either), and this is extraordinarily welcome news. Considering the nature of the Philadelphia product's game and his location, some comparisons to Lance Thomas are bound to come up, but Jefferson's ceiling is probably higher than Lance's was, at least after Lance came to college.

So now we have a pretty formidable frontcourt next season and a nifty backcourt as well, assuming Quinn Cook can get his act together.

More thoughts after the jump:

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Bye, Tools!

Date: 3/25/2012

National News  
Posted By: Matt (YAY!!!!)


AHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHA! Bye, you clowns!

Sorry about Marshall, but there are probably some other teams out there in some distant galaxy who have suffered ill-timed point guard injuries, so you shouldn't feel alone.

Self is a truly great coach. I don't know why he came out playing Fun and Gun, but I suppose he thought that he could press and force the Twinks into a bunch of boners, like Ohio did. However, once that clearly wasn't working, Bill slowed down the pace, had his defense tighten the screws, and it felt like it was only a matter of time until Kansas took over. Then - - the triangle-and-two. Look! An inventive defense! Other coaches (noooo, no one in particular in mind) take note! It was masterful, and SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE KEY DEFENSE PLAYED AGAINST THE TOOLS ALL SEASON. Imagine that - - Zeller and Henson forced to the outside! Barney the Preseason Dinosaur with a man in his face on every touch! Bull-AHHHHHHK unable to take and/or hit wide-open threes! I'd call this a genius move, except, again, it was sort of obvious. But of course, hybrid zones probably don't work as well if the other team sees them the whole game. Instead, Self waited until a critical moment to deploy the scheme, and UNC-CH basically never scored again. So, it *was* a genius move. Self gets an A+ for this game and this season's Kansas performance (win or lose from here), especially considering the fairly non-cerebral nature of Tyshawn Taylor's game, which continued to be on abundant display in this one.

Ah, Harry Barnes. 13 points on 14 shots. 0-5 from three. Three turnovers, four fouls, just four rebounds. The very model of a two-time preseason All-America, right, Jay Bias? This game was (as most games are) a microcosm of his entire career. Steve Kerr doped out that Barney's game was garbage without Marshall, and, amazingly, actually announced this view - - battling to get a word in edgewise while Marv was informing us that the winner would go to the Elite Eight and dishing out other gems.

It was a mixed bag from Stillman White: 13 assists and no turnovers in the two games he started (7 assists tonight), and he actually opened the scoring with a drive to the basket for a conversion - - but his defense was atrocious, and Kansas exploited that again and again. Still, man, you have to appreciate White's courageous performance. I'm sure his cute coach will FULLY agree and there will be no bus-throwing whatsoever.

Speaking of Rrhoid, hats off to CBS for showing that uberclown sitting at the 2008 national title game with the Kansas sticker on his shirt. I want to see what he does for an encore this time around! The beauty of it is that you just never know what this man with the fake orange tan will say or do. In any case, this effort did nothing but cement his reputation as an absolutely clueless operational coach who's merely along for the ride once the ball drops. Recruit 'em, then stay out of the way of those dadgum, frickin' kids! Have a nice offseason, Roid.

The three-pointer by Watts wasn't just his first of the season, as Marv noted (thanks, Marv!); it was the 12th of his four-year career. Sadly, it was also 50% of NCCH's successful three-point output on the day. In fact, if you take away White's surprising drive, Watts' improbable shot, and the two gift baskets that the Tools got off of Marconi-telegraphed cross-court passes by the Jayhawks, this would have been even more of a blowout, or better said, would have transformed from a blowout by margin to a true shelling. Now, I realize that this is revisionist history at its best, but it's no more ridiculous than saying that UNC would have won a game if Barnes had just made one more shot - - right, Bias?

Oh, by the way, I didn't see it, but I heard that Bias and Hubert were on suicide watch on Sportscenter. Sorry your team didn't win, fellas.

Bye, Ty Zeller. Nice career, seriously.

Biggest choke ever, or something else? You decide, and kindly add any comments you might have after the jump. AND VOTE IN THE POLL, MARK BUCKNER! HAHAHAHAH.

Kansas' Duke-friendly record on the season: 2-0. I know who I'm rooting for in the Final Four. And why do we not have a permanent home-and-home set up with this program again? Can we please get off our duffs and take a two-and-a-half hour plane trip to the Kansas City airport, followed by a short bus ride, once every two seasons? WE ACTUALLY USED TO DO THINGS LIKE THIS. Right, Shaquille?

Ahhhh, Christmas in March again. I can enjoy the Final Four, baseball season, you name it.

And thanks, ATHC. You're beloved and unreal.

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TD: Lehigh Game Post/Blog

Date: 3/16/2012

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt


Duke begins its NCAA Tournament with a matchup with the Lehigh Mountain Hawks of the Patriot League, and after watching a dozen hours of basketball on Thursday, it's time for Matt to unburden himself about dumb ads, dumber officials, and yes, even some historical perspective on why Duke may just squeak by in this one. Matt, by the way, would be delighted beyond belief to be wrong, as in, wrong because the Blue Devils record a crushing win. Right, Duke? [Nervous laughter]

Of course, we've been told that Ryan Kelly won't play, or will be available for "spot duty" (what's that exactly - - coming in to strike out the tough lefthander or pinch-hitting in the eighth?), which means that we will have to wait and see if he actually does or not. Surely you find these mindgames tiring, Mr. Bond? Anyway.

So wonder where those last amateurs went exactly, make a mental note never to bet against Virginia Commonwealth in the NCAAs, arrest Charles Barkley for impersonating a college basketball broadcaster and . . . read on:

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NCAA-T Open Discussion Thread

Date: 3/12/2012

Duke Basketball  
Posted By: Matt


So the brackets are out, and as you all know, we're the #2 seed in the East. We play Lehigh on Friday in Greensboro, with a tip time of 7:15p. The game is on CBS and will be called by Nantz and Kellogg. If we win that first round matchup, which is no given, it's the winner of seventh-seeded Notre Dame and tenth-seeded Xavier - - ahhh, the "Fighting" Musketeers - - in the second round. And yes, I know that the NCAA can't count. The round of 32 is the second round, and even Jay Bias figured that out.

Think Duke got hosed? Did UNC-CH get a cakewalk? Please use the comments thread of this post to discuss NCAA seeding and other issues that are on your mind, after the jump:

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TD: Florida State (3) Game Post/Blog

Date: 3/10/2012

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt


Looking for some positive reinforcement? Just what you see, pal. Maybe the next website down? Yes, after another (mostly) uninspiring performance in the quarters, it's time to watch Duke in action again without Ryan Kelly or several other players who have been missing, in whole or in part, for some time now. Honestly, the last good game Duke played was . . . well, against these goofs, in fact. 16 days ago. And it's been a loooooong 16 days. Are things really that bad?

Who can tell, but let's get to it, and maybe we can spread a couple of smiles around. So trade away your team for Robert Griffin, get suspended for that vexing "non-human urine" inhabiting your system, hesitate to admit that you really enjoyed attending a couple of games of the Pac-12 Tournament (well, I *did*!) and . . . read on:

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TD: VPI (3) Game Post/Blog

Date: 3/9/2012

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt


Oh, it's THESE guys again. Don't let this get around, but once was enough, and as for the second matchup, well, a good guest knows when he's overstayed his welcome. But this is really more than any person who's not certifiably insane can take.

So don't reenact scenes from Platoon (or any other movie) with Charlie Sheen, fire all Carps (and Doc Sadlers for bonus points), agree to a friendly wager with Varez Ward and . . . read on:

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UPDATED: No Ryan Kelly in Atlanta; ACC-T Advance Discussion

Date: 3/6/2012

Duke Basketball  
Posted By: Matt


UPDATED Tue 3/6: Kelly "sprains" his foot in practice today, won't play in Atlanta. Understandably, I modified the content within accordingly.

So the field is set, and I have a few thoughts, after the jump.

Use the comments thread within to unburden yourself about anything concerning the ACC-T.

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TD: NCCH (2) Game Post/Blog

Date: 3/3/2012

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt


Oh, hi there - - didn't hear you come in. And if you think that's a lame opener, check out the Las Vegas line, which will probably have the Tools as a favorite by tip. I mean, maybe if this game were being played on a neutral court or something, but . . . oh. Yeah, we sort of get that. Still, if you're looking for some reasons why Jay Bias' favorite tongue bath recipients aren't that great, you already know you've come to the right place. Please pull up a chair - - wait, not you, Bullethead! No courtside seat for you! We'd better get to this already.

So claim that your all-time-record-setting QB isn't THAT great while fending off a disgusting headhunting scandal involving your entire defense, blow off the overnighting of those urine samples in your basement, hand over some gold bullion at the pump and . . . read on:

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Undefeated ACC Road Teams: Finally, the Answer

Date: 2/29/2012

Duke Basketball  
Posted By: Matt


As confused as Carter Blackburn as to how many times an ACC member has finished the road slate in men's basketball undefeated? Well, who can blame you? Matt got annoyed with the media (no!!!!!) and took matters into his own hands, after the jump:

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TD: Wake Forest (2) Game Post/Blog

Date: 2/28/2012

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt


Hey, we're back again! Roger that, we know - - six games in three days, or the reverse, or something, yeah, we hear ya, buddy - - but we're not in control of this thing. We must do as we are commanded, although those commands don't include being a little bit nervous over this one, given the obvious trap game factor, and previous s**t editions of Weak Florist suddenly showing up looking like the Bobcats/Hornets/whoever for one game, and one game only. Is that kind of crap on tap again? Well, at least we already managed to beat these cats at Cameron - - and get this - - it was without any noticeable difficulty! Wow.

So maybe the matchups are just bad for Weak (they are), good for us (check), and bad for you if you decide to click within (oh yeah). But be a sport and do it anyway. So finish the Daytona 500 at what only seemed like 5 A.M., fight a chicken with hands - - a real chicken (I know that's not new but I never get tired of watching it), use tape of the Oscars to put down insomnia like it was polio and . . . read on:

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TD: VPI (2) Game Post/Blog

Date: 2/25/2012

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt


Feels like we just did this, and we (the Dukies.com we) don't even have to play basketball today. But Duke does! And that's just how the evil fat guy drew it up, folks. By the way, the Ay-Cee-Cee didn't issue a statement indicating that "[t]he conference has a protocol of screwing over Duke whenever possible via scheduling. That policy has not been followed yet this season. Those responsible have suffered absolutely no consequences. But here's the long-awaited screwjob anyway. Enjoy, hataz!" Actually, that sort of does sound like something that would spew out of the ACC office. But I digress. I mean, or we mean, "we" digress, dammit! Sorry.

Duke welcomes a group of disreputable malcontents into their building and . . . oh, man. Okay, can we just play like we actually use this facility?? On a regular basis? And what's this crap about the team not practicing all that often in Cameron these days, in favor of some practice facility with state-of-the art robed cultists, pillowed backboards, and real-time press clippings being read over the PA? PRACTICE IN CAMERON ALREADY. No wonder.

Listen, not to hold you up on your Saturday, but we've got some ideas, or words aspiring to make that cut, so win the pole for Daytona (well, at least for the Busch race or whatever they call it now), update Pat Knight's resume, owe the Rangers nothing and . . . read on:

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TD: Florida State (2) Game Post/Blog

Date: 2/23/2012

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt


So here we are - - back in the paradisaical environs of TeeHee to make another appeal to the Florida Supreme Court, or play a game at the TLCCCCCCCCCCCC a/k/a Guy Who Went to the University of Florida Center, or hang a chad, or something. It's an exciting place.

There are all kinds of ways for Duke to win this one, but will they? Hey, there were people who thought we might not beat Boston College, for Macrocephapete's sake. Anyway, we're a little rushed, so if you'll just step on board, let's head down to the swampy resort area of the Florida Panhandler and see how this one is going to go down. Live bloggers - - don't let us down! So do something, do something else, get this edition posted already and . . . read on:

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TD: Boston College Game Post/Blog

Date: 2/19/2012

Two Dukies  
Posted By: Matt


We're back, and - - oh, wait. We just got ejected. But, didn't we buy this ticket? In fact, don't we own this website? Never mind. We'd better gather our things and clear out. But before we do, be advised that Duke hits the road (wheeeeeeeew, right?) for a nice Sunday evening tilt up in a village of Newton and Brookline, somewhere in the midst of a wooded sanctum patrolled ceaselessly by the Society of Jesus. Now, are you like us, and hoping for a bit of a break from the bloodcurdling antics that the Blue Devils have been putting us through lately? We thought so, and on paper at least, this matchup appears to be ideal for just such a respite - - but then, when did this team start doing what you thought it would? Well, at least it's always exciting. Maybe if we had someone supervising everything - - you know, someone with gravitas and some credentials. Well, let's not get carried away.

Guest Dukie Al White is on hand to offer some thoughts and much-needed perspective on this confusing season, and you don't want to keep a man of his caliber waiting, so bid a fond goodnight to the 2012 edition of U-Con, review the qualifications needed to become a county sheriff in the State of Arizona besides batcrap insanity, exhaust your supply of Jeremy Lin puns (racist and otherwise) and . . . read on:

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