TWO DUKIES PICK THE ACC

Volume VII, no. XVI - January 13, 2004

Welcome to this edition of the seventh (it *is* sort of getting ludicrous now) season of Two Dukies Pick the ACC. Rob and Matt invite you to sit back, relax, have the deaf leading the blind, or something (is this discrimination against mutes?), get a makeover from a crack team of gay men, and send your latte-drinking behind back to that couch to catch up on all the latest ACC action.

The TWO DUKIES name and material are, for some outrageous reason, affiliated with http://www.dukies.com, and for even more abstruse motivations, copyright 2004 Rigel Enterprises, Ltd. All rights reserved, and even though you had reservations yourself, we're glad you showed up anyway.

Matt's comments, Cliff's Notes version, in blue.
Rob Mac K's comments in green.

#4 WAKE FOREST (11-0, 1-0) @ #18 TEXAS (10-2, 1-0 Big XII)

Well, it was more of the same last night, as the Dukies.com mainframe, too busy fighting off Skynet for control of the global defense system, failed to post the material I slaved over and submitted right before tipoff of the Tuesday night action. And then I didn't check it until morning. Ah, happy happy joy joy. Luckily, as always in such cases, my friend Cliff and his Notes are around, and we pressed him into service to talk about the four non-Duke games this week, with fuller Duke analysis on the way today or tomorrow. Cliff, take it away:

Cliff: Author avers that he likes his former law school. They gave him a degree. Discuss self-deprecation versus apathy and cutting class. However, author does not believe in current Wake team. Lists opponents. Gives Wake no credit for defeating "Tools," derogatory reference for University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill Tar Heels. Other opponents include Yale, Brown, the North Carolina branch of AT&T, and the like. Author is unimpressed; predicts Wake loss in light of Texas' extensive homecourt winning streak. Author brags conclusorily about how he has visited the Erwin Center in Austin, makes Bush joke.

Texas 88, Wake Forest 83.

Cliff: This author forgets all about this matchup, yet somehow submits an eerily prescient pick. Note that literary scholars believe that author would have picked Wake if he had actually made a selection, going two games down to his coauthor.

Texas 87, Wake Forest 81.

FLORIDA STATE (12-2, 1-1) v. CLEMSON (7-6, 0-2)

Cliff: Author quickly runs out of cute names for the Seminoles of Florida State. Possible essay question: when does a joke go too far? Will influx of new ACC teams be of assistance in resolving this paradox? Is Tim Brando wearing a rug?

Author concludes that home team will win, because (a) Florida State can't win on the road, and (b) Clemson wins weird ones at home, but is no stranger to road losses themselves. Author's implication seems to be that if Clemson didn't win a home game here and there, they would never win at all. Agree/disagree?

Clemson 65, Florida State 62.

You know, there are precious few times this season that Clemson is going to have a legitimate chance to win an ACC game, and this is one of them. F$U is decidedly mediocre this year, and I seem to recall that they were horrible on the road last year (my complete indifference to this game is reflected in the fact that I can't be bothered to look that up). Still... my gut says the Tigers won't get this one.

Florida State 68, Clemson 65.

VIRGINIA (10-3, 0-2) @ #12 GEORGIA TECH (12-2, 0-1)

Cliff: Author sneers at Virginia, predicts that Pete Gillen will be "getting his mail" in another location next year at this time. Note use of onomatopoeia as author constructs delicate post office analogy.

Georgia Tech 87, Virginia 71.

Tech gets well in a hurry with the arrival of hapless Virginia. Just wondering, but if you improve after being "hapless", do you become "hapful"? "Hapacious"? "Hapilicious"? Or perhaps just "happy".

I don't need any classified-but-not-really documents from the Treasury Department to figure this one out. Tech in a walk.

Georgia Tech 85, Virginia 68.

#9 NORTH CAROLINA-CHAPEL HILL (10-2, 1-1) v. MARYLAND (9-3, 0-1)

Cliff: Author naturally follows precedent from previous works and breaks out "Ultimate Team Bus Game" metaphor, referring to a macabre scenario borrowed from his dad in which the best possible outcome of a given game is that the two team buses will crash into one another. Discuss: is this free speech or advocacy of potential terrorism? And does the bus have a battery that the Maryland team could at least salvage to throw at opposing players later? Author concludes by concurring with his expert coauthor that Maryland "eviscerated" its homefield advantage by moving out of Cole Field House instead of adding two more bathrooms.

North Carolina-Chapel Hill 83, Maryland 74.

UNC's win over Tech didn't surprise me, because it was pretty obvious that while Tech has a nice team this season, they were horribly overrated being in the Top Whichever they were. I'll confess that I turned it on and the Tarholes were way ahead, so I promptly turned it off because I'm just not interested in watching that nonsense.

Maryland is rebuilding this year, and I expect the Holes to handle them without too much trouble, since the Cable Box doesn't provide the Twerps with nearly the homecourt advantage that they think it does. I'd rather play them there than in Cole any day of the week.

UNC-CH 88, Maryland 80.

 Last Edition: Rob 2-1 (.667) Matt 1-2 (.333) Guests 0-0 (.000) TD in Guest Editions: 0-0 (.000) This Season: Rob 14-4 (.778) Matt 14-4 (.778) Guests 0-0 (.000) TD in Guest Editions: 0-0 (.000)